The way I see Wednesday.

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We have been together nearly 14 yrs…the person you first met is not the person you are with now and either are you..it is called growth and progress…relationships like people need the good and the bad and how we react determines us and the relationship.

Now I am no expert on this, and don’t proclaim to be a realtionship expert. It’s just how I see it. William and myslef have had some huge challenges in our relationship, I think the bisggest one was when he stopped drinking. We somehow navigated past this. It’s was one of the most biggest challenges we faced together. The irony of all of this is that we nearly called it a day on our relationship. William is no longer this 20 year man I met, neither am I the same person, we hopefully are still intrinsically what we are as our values, nature and our own personalities as people have not changed.

Life has been one interested journey for “us”, but the one constant is stability and good old faithful routine. We both people who in a big way crave routine, and lead a very boring, run of the mill life. I think we both wanted this way of life as two gay men who choice to be together. And yes we both have to be present everyday with each other, now I am not talking wildly romantic gestures, or that puppy love stage, I am saying you have to be comfortable enough with each other that you on a daily basis, respect each other.  You may think that’s  number 101 of any relationship, i see far too many people who are in a “comfort” zone or have just simply allowed their own ego to dominate a relationship and in the process silently forgetting  that they have a partner,boyfriend, husband, wife.

Any realtionship has challenges, it’s what you do that makes the difference. Compromise is   Difficult as we all in our own way want it or way most of the time. Now William has this habit that he always say thanks for most things, let it be me making coffee, or having put clean towels in his bathroom. At it’s a very genuine trait he has. One thing I still find very attractive about him is his manners, and how he treats me.

On a completly different topic we both have put on some weight over the years, and with me been short legged, I don’t carry this too well. So in December of last year we decided to change our eating plan more of a choice than a diet. We also have been doing a considerable more exercise together. Thanks partially to the Apple Watch, we now can measure our steps, workouts etc.  just at a glance.  It’s worked. I have lost just under 5 kg and William I can visible see is in better shape. Mentally and physically I am for the first time in many years not being overwhelmed by depresssion or the dark cloud that creeps up on me.

Sex, yes SEX, I know is not the most important part of a relationship ship, it’s just part of any realtionship. As I have said before, we are monogamous, had that discussion about a third person, and open realtionship, those “vouchers” you redeem just because you found someone else irresistible. None of that works for us, number one William is far too possessive  , and I am way too conservative and if I wanted that I would have stayed single.  Sex is never boring for us, in fact we still have a very strong, physically, mental and emotionally attraction to each other. Maybe it’s because we comfortable with each other. William still likes me to have a bath with him, and that closeness and trust has been the result of the years with being with each other.

All to their own, give me a boring routine life any day.

Ivan

 

 

 

 

 

 


8 thoughts on “The way I see Wednesday.

  1. The key to any relationship is “compromise”. It is never always a 50/50 as most want to believe. Sometimes one partner knowing has to give more, shifting the balance to a 30/70 for example. In a healthy. loving relationship the balance will always shift back when the other partner requires more of the other. It is all about respect and love. Sounds like you and William are two of the lucky ones that have this all figured out. Congratulations.

    1. Thanks for the comment and wise words. Compromise to mean is letting go of your ego and allowing oneself to see beyond ones one insecurities. Believe me, William and don’t have it all figured it, it’s still a day to day work in progress but with a lot more confidence and inners security. Ivan

  2. A very honest and accurate assessment, Ivan. Marriage is by far not the glamorous ideal that many imagine. It has up’s and down’s just as any relationship. Thank you for reminding us all about how fabulously mundane our marriages truly are! Naked hugs!

  3. Wow! Fourteen years. Congratulations to you both, and thank you for such an honest and frank post. You have a new reader, and a happy friend to tag along in your journey. Cheers!

    1. Thank you thank you. It’s been one heck of a journey, the best and the worse all in one. Would not change anything I am also now following your blog so let’s keep blogging and is this weird world we live in maybe we can all connect. Ivan

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