The way I see it. Living together.


William and myself have now been together for 12 years. Been living together for 11 and a half of those. He was 19 and I was 25 when we moved in together. We tried staying at each other places, however the commute was a challenge and I am not a gypsey by nature. I need to stay in one place.

yesterday we had one of our deep discussions about life and he was talking about a friend of his at work. She has been alone for a long time and recently her boyfriend moved in, it not going well. It’s going south very quickly. He said that it took us a good 7 years or get used to living together. Got me thinking.

The idea of living together is very romanticized, you picture waking up with each other looking like a film star, and having the most amazing sex ALL THE TIME.  Reality check. The first couple of years were a challenge if I am going to be honest here. We both had egos,  separate lives with work studies (William studied for the first 2 years we were together) family friends, and been two men sometimes our d%£ks ruled more than our logical brains.

What I learnt from all of this. We initially ignored the age difference, however this did pose challenges once we were living together. William turned 21 and I was 27. No big deal or was it?  Yes as much as we thought it was not a problem, we were proved wrong. William wanted to party with friends and me not so much. Don’t get me wrong I still could party with the best. I had just done that. William also wanted to sleep late when I was up early. Small differences.

On the day to day living. We battled to cook together, I had my way he had his. William resisted using the dishwasher. He liked to take long baths, and this would irritate me for no reason. I would in turn irritate William in the way the bath towels had to folded. Small matters but over time if became more difficult to manage. One thing we had in common was our neatness. In fact William is incredibly neat and disciplined in putting clothes away and never leaves the kitchen without putting stuff away. That goes for his study as well. It’s always neat and tidy even if he would be studying, he would leave it neat and tidy even if he was just going to sleep for a couple of ours.

Now as much as we battled to adapt to each other one matter we agreed on when we first moved in was money. We had one bank account and the expectation that it must be a 50 50 contribution was never a reality. We agreed to set up home together and pay bills and live within our means. Over the years William now has become incredibly successful in his career and financially. It’s still not an issue. We respect money and our purpose for living together has never been to be equal contributors.

One of the biggest commitments we made living together was buying our current home. This home was the first we moved in together. We could start off as this being our home and not one we had in our prior live before we met. With this came challenges of who was responsible for things like the garden, the jacuzzi, the maintenance etc.  We soon after moving in same complete different traits/characteristics  in each other. Some good some bad. But suddenly I saw William as a more complex person, a more loving person.

Living together has been a challenge but so are any relationship. It’s taken time and I have learnt to be a more soft person, to love something to the level and intensity I never thought I would ever experience.  It’s been fun and one of the most rewarding achievements I have ever done. I highly recommend it.



One thought on “The way I see it. Living together.

  1. Living together is definitely not easy, but as gay men we have a unique opportunity to explore new ways of creating lasting relationships, and the insights we gain can be of much value to the non-gay world as well. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for pointing out some of the realities and difficulties we have to face to be successful.

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