Finding yourself,being sober.


Alot has been written about gay men and addictions, alcohol, drugs and other forms of addiction. Now addictions are non discrimination, they effect all. I am no expert, but have some insight from tye other side of tye table of addiction.  William is an alcoholic. Sober now 6 plus years.

The assocition with gay men and substance abuse may very well be the way have projected certain lifestyles we have. The party   Circuits, easy sexual hooks up, the desire for living the fast and reckless life. Now that just not all of us but i am sure we can relate to some of this.  Maybe gay men hide from who they are with drugs, alcohol or any other mind altering substances. Are we running away.

Drug/alcohol-fueled sex is usually the opposite of emotional or intimate, so for addicts trying to recover, intimacy must be relearned. “Explore sex Being sober or clean is difficult. The association is so close you battle to be sexual sober”

Williams story about his alcoholic addiction is his story to tell not mine. I can tell what it was like to be the partner of an addict.

The obstacles we had to overcome to find a meaningful life after the booze was maybe greater than living with drunkiness. Everthing changed, normality was no longer our reality. Slowly we were able to redifine who we were as individuals as men and a gay men. Our realtionship nearly ended. Our sexual realtionship died when the bottle was discarded. Slowly we rebuild, we started dating each other, forgiving ourselfes and each other and we closed the chapters on the past. Never forgetting. Slowly our lives became whole again, so did we. I forgave myslef, as I blamed myslef for all of this made booze filled parties. I did not drink to that level but i sure was a party person. A couple of drinks gave me courage.

fast forward to the present: we are closer more attentative and so much truer to who we are to ourselves and each other. We have a great life. A very healthy sexual realtionship and we are faithful, momogomous gay men. We have intimacy not just sex. I am the more sexual person, but William is the man that likes to hold my hand and touch me, hug me and kiss me at random. He still likes to see me naked. And that all good. Plus we have so much more  Ivan


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