Relationships: Does your partner have a manual?


We buy electronically equipment, cars, gadgets and they usually come with manuals.  Sometimes we do read them however when something is not working we refer to the manual. Can they same be said of your partner, husband, wife, girlfriend! No as they don’t come with a manual. Do how do we understand that person. With time we should be able understand that person better. The biggest lesson I have learnt is that we cannot make that person a mini-me of ourselfs. As much as we try to.

most people do not have an off and on switch, we all different. We can get to understand that person but never really know what they thinking.

Over the years I have got to understand how I can influence William, and this in a good and bad way. William is not a morning person at all, so I have learnt to leave him alone until he is ready to interact with the world. I am on the other hand get very irritable when I am tired. Refer to page 56 of Ivan’s manual. Well it’s not that easy. We cannot change our own DNA to be someone we not. For a relationship to work, we need to be our best authentic person and allow the other person to be as well. Relationships are hard work. The longer you are with a person, the harder it may be. Living together you get to know the person better, the smell of that person, the touch of that person the familiarity. However that can lead to complacency. Routine sets in, and for me I like that. However the world boring, repetitive, beige comes to mind to.

Its great, actually amazing to have structure for us. This is not for all. William dislikes change, I have to have order and hate clutter. OCD, or whatever you want to call it.

Part of why our relationship works is that we work as a team. We both do our home tasks but they not solely the responsibility off one. William likes to unpack the dishwasher before we go to bed,  however I will do it as well, sounds silly well it’s not. It’s the respect we show each other and never try to take advantage of each other.

It’s not always been that way. We had huge fights, altercations with each other in the early days, and it was usually about stupid insignificant things. One of these was about not taking out the garbage. We did not talk for days, I look back embarrassed at my idiotic behavior. Being two men can have BIG egos, and the mine is bigger than yours syndrome


Sex in any relationship also has its challenges. In the beginning it’s all earth shattering, however with time the frequency can be reduced. We also not always “horny” the same time. Here again it’s not rejection but requires effect. Sex may be boring however that’s not the centre of our relationship. Initial your is and been with that person. Sex is important in our relationship, however that now has many forms, the holding of hands, having a bath together, walking around naked and you very comfortable with each other. .

Now that just how I see some parts of a relationship.  Ivan

One thought on “Relationships: Does your partner have a manual?

  1. I can so relate to this blog! You’ve hit on many points that my partner of 20 years live through everyday. Complacency at times? Certainly. Love/hate? Well,that too. But we muddle through as all relationships do. All the best Fabien.

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