In the quiet.

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The last couple of days I have battled with the way people are, talking, loudness, laughing, I want to shut the door closed on this irritation I have. There is nothing wrong with them it’s me. I just want the world to stop and be quiet. Even William was irrational me for no reason last night. All he did was ask if I could replace a battery for the garage remote.

I am not that important that the world must stop. My answer or escape is not in a bottle. In fact I don’t drink at all. Why do we believe that to numb oneself will solve all. I ask that of myself many times a day. However today was better than yesterday. This pity party has being a non event, I have people around me who WILL not allow me entertain that at all. It’s not easy, as we do tend to focus on the negative, on the bad, is that learnt or is that our way of making oneself feel important. The victim!! That was my mothers actions, she played the victim in many ways. That’s not being disrespectful, but honest. She meant well but never realized how her actions effected her children, especially her youngest child and son. Me.

So now as an adult I have knowledge to accept that and to change who I am and not mirror that same behavior. I saw my therapist, and have been encouraged to see a doctor who may prescribe medication to balance my unbalance. Hope that makes sense. Saying all this I still hesitate to tell others that I suffer from depression. It’s not a shout out for self pity.

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Ivan


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