Thanks PJ… Our story so far.

I read an excellent blog post a couple of hours back. PJ IS BLOGGING, and it got me thinking how parent may feel finding out a child is gay.

So this is HOW I SEE IT, and I will share our story so far….. And maybe someone can see that is okay to be gay.

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William and I met on a dating site 11 years back. I was just registering my profile he was deleting his.
Some facts:
William is younger than me
William was married before, his ex-wife is straight. They were both very young when they married.
I was in two relationships prior to meeting William. They both lasted less than two years.
William was never in a long term gay relationship before, he was involved with a guy for three months before we met.
I had never lived with anyone before.
I was born in the city, William was born in small town.
We are both the youngest in our our families.
We both have tertiary educations, William has two degrees.

The initial periods of our relationship, was turbulent. William tested me in every way. What you saw was the real person. We spend our first holiday together after three months. We moved into my place after 8 months. All William brought with was his computer, a beautiful chest, a desk and chair… And three boxes plus his clothes. Three and a half years later we sold MY place and bought OUR house. You cannot be in a committed relationship without having joint ownership or a rental lease in both your names. Our house was not the house we planned on viewing, it was the house we met the agent at. We both decided to purchase this house after only seeing it for 5 minutes. We could not afford this house, but it worked out.

I have travelled to many counties, William first trip out of the country was with me. We have been to 7 countries together, and still counting. After being together for 4 years we made our relationship official by law. We have a partnership agreement, (similar to a civil partnership), that was drafted by our attorney. We have joint wills, are each others sole beneficiary. We have a joint bank account. William does not want to get married.
After about 5 years together, William started drinking more and more. I moved out about a year later due to Williams drinking. William is now sober for 5 plus years. William is an alcoholic. That is the one thing I am admire most about him. His determination to remain sober everyday day.

After he quit drinking, our relationship become very strained and we both nearly called it a day. I gave up alcohol completely after William stopped. William still sees a therapist. Today we have a very strong relationship, we still talk and enjoy just being together, just us.

We both love animals, and have two cats, that rule our world.

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We both have very good jobs, and have both not job hopped.

We both have healthy relationships with our families. Made the decision that we would not be good parents. William is ‘out’ at work, I am not. We both have dreams and plans for the future.

Have both being faithful and believe that monogamy works for our relationship. Have a healthy love life. Sex is not the foundation of our relationship. We are still men. William gets hit on a lot by women, and are surprised to learn he is gay. William is more comfortable with his sexual orientation that me. Have very few gay friends, and have not been to a pride march and we have not been to a gay club, bar etc for over 7 years. We are equal partners, and share our responsibilities and are both strong willed.

William is a very selfish person in a good way and always has my back. I texted William at least 8 times a day. Every day I wish him a good day. We respect each others individual traits. William is not a big talker and we both are not morning people. Every morning we have coffee together in bed.

I would not be who I am today if I had not met William. He has taught me more about myself than anybody else. We still have arguments, usually when I am wrong. Saying sorry and meaning it is the only way for us. William is very honest, and will tell me off if I overstep boundaries.

We seldom go shopping together, and that’s okay. We have date night every Friday, comfort food and watch a movie or just fall asleep on the couch. We have a routine at home, eat a healthy meal everyday except on a Friday. Friends and family call us boring. We don’t want special treatment. William may not always notice things around him, but he never takes me or my efforts for granted.

So after reading this, is it so bad if your child is gay. Now this reflects our story and nobody else’s. it however does reflect our life as two men who live together as partners. Yes we are gay, but we don’t have a huge billboard outside our house saying this. We just want to live and be left to live our life.

Lastly after all this time, I still think William is sexy, attractive and he is my person, that can witness my life, and me his. And in my opinion, has one sexy butt.

Thanks PJ for sharing your story that got me to share mine.

Ivan


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