I am no experts, these are my experiences of relationships.
So about 8 years back we happen to be in London we were on our way to Europe. So off we go and do the sights, and shopping. Out of the blue we go into a jewelry store, and William ask for mens rings but he is more specific, mens titanium rings. Not for him but for me.
So the picture I have posted in very similar to the one he got me. I was very surprises, that he knew I wanted one and the exact one. He is not a big talker and does not make a huge stage production of things. It’s simply and done with conviction.
On us getting back from our holiday, we went to see a lawyer. We have a partnership/spouse agreement drafted. We decide not on the marriage option, for us we do not want to have children and this is what we decided then, however today we may change our minds.
When we got together we had separate home, separate bank accounts, separate debts. This stayed that way for a good three years. Then we bought our current home. We got one joint account, as that was the only way we could get our mortgage. William has kept a separate bank account, this we use for those raining days. Money, our individual value system about money did cause problems. William got himself into some debt, in retrospect this was due to his drinking. William is an alcoholic, but has been sober for just over 4 years. So money did cause tension, and I think when you are at a point in a relationship you have to address the simply 1 + 1 how much do we owe, do we earn, that complete honestly.
So our earning power is very much the same, however I do have more assets. So the agreement we signed, covers our joint assets, individual assets, investments, insurance, our will was also drafted. We each have an individual will and a joint will. We are rather obsessive.
To be honest, you have to be open about money, and transparent about this matter. We recently bought a new car. We were in a position that we could pay 80% cash, the balance we took our of our mortgage account. This was a car for William. We try not have a his and his situation. We are jointly in this relationship. We do have financial independence as we both know our budget. It’s taken us years to get to this point. We still have some debt but there is no point in splitting any of our financial commitments.
One thing I do know, is that any form of addiction can destroy a relationship. The addiction is the first love. You cannot compete with any form of addiction. We got to the point were we nearly parted as I could not cope with Williams drinking and behavior. He had a bender one weekend, got into a fight and had a total blackout of these events. He shortly after that joined AA. Being gay and an alcoholic, not always treated that well in this world. He is sober, and our relationship is so different on all levels.
Do you recall your first dates or dating, the thrill the excitement. Well you can still try to keep things exciting. You may have a dry spell sexually, due to whatever, but get that spark going again. It’s not the physical act, but that intimacy that keeps us connected. Be creative, but spend time listening that’s all your partner want some time, to be heard.