So I wrote the other day about not giving up on finding the person to share your life with.
This is a follow up on that and my last posting. It got me thinking about what it means to be in a relationship.
I did not want to be alone, but had reserved myself that I would not meet a decent person who could understand me. I did meet William, and he still does not understand me after 10 years. We met online, I am not ashamed of this fact. I was just creating a profile, William was closing his down. All my profile said, was Boy Next Door. And here we are today. Today there are plenty of apps on your phone, however I reserve my comment about these. So the electronic dating sites do work for some.
What we battled with was living between two homes, sleeping together. Mind out of the gutter please. The actual sleeping in one bed. It was all new, I like a thick duvet, I need to be covered, when I sleep. William does not feel the cold, he also liked to sleep with only underwear. I have one pillow, he has three. I wake early, he can sleep till mid morning. I sleep with no lights on, well I don’t anymore. This one shared thing of sleeping together was complicate, it took time to get us both comfortable enough to sleep the entire night. We did not always just sleep!!
Adaption of your own little habits, irritating habits, can drive someone else mad. It’s all getting to know the person, and sacrifice, and compromise.
We both still battle to cook together, we are both headstrong and they say too many cooks, leads to am unhappy home. This has been a huge challenge, we both enjoy the kitchen but could not make a meal together in the past, without an argument. It’s a damn meal, not a summit on nuclear warfare.
As time has elapsed, so has our intellect evolved. You get to focus on the important stuff. You stop challenging each other over small incidents. I have focused on less opinions and more listening.
Even as we are gay, we are still two men. Men are brought up to protect, be the strong one,
And we are full of testirone.
We do not have designated duties or responsibilities. For us it works on strengths and weakness. I do not like doing filing, or general admin at home. Give me a project, and I am in my comfort zone.
However William will admit, that he knows very little about how to furnish a home. Yes not all gay men have the secret despite to be an interior designer. William is incredible patient, and tolerant of my decisions. In fact he is very patient with me!!!!! He usually agrees on my choices, if he does not agree, he will say it. Nothing good will come of all always agreeing with your partner. You are both different.
What we do is date night. That usually a Friday night when we forget the healthy food, watch a movie or catch up on our TV series we have missed. The whole idea is not to throw rose petals on the floor leading to the bedroom, however that also good. It’s about us being together and doing something with each other. So that new Steve King movie is a no no, and that rerun of the Osbourne’s is not an option. It’s had to be something we both enjoy doing. We still have date night, and most Fridays are comfort food evenings. It’s something I look forward to. I try to banish my phone and iPad. As let’s be honest, it’s so easy to get distracted. Williams iPhone well that’s another blog on its own……
Relationships are hard work, but worth the effort. William has lots of friends and a works for a very people orientated company. However he seldom goes out with friends unless I am also going. It may be that he feels more confident, or just likes me around…..
However saying this, we both have a strict rule, don’t arrive at our home without advance notice. Been selfish is acceptable. We are had wild parties at our home, however there is a time and place for that. Friends and family can visit, but don’t park your trailer here. If you arrive unexpected, we will not open the door. It may sound cruel, but when you in your own space you don’t have to be invaded by friends and family. Get the message, it’s invitation only.
On this subject, I do dot get on very well with Williams family. The relationship is strained, and William is not that close to his siblings. I think they do not really accept that he is in a gay relationship. He was married before, and his ex wife was accepted by his family were I am not. That does hurt me, but I cannot change that. You like me or leave me.
That does put some stain on our relationship, however when they visit they are in our house, and when in Rome do as the Romans do!!!!!!!! We have a house that has a great outside and indoor entertainment area, however that has been interpreted as an open invitation for familyand friends to gatherings. William tries to keep all happy and that just perpetuates to us both being on high alert. It’s not worth it… I will rather fly to my family, so that he can spend time with his without having to worry about the dynamics of us all being together.
My family live in another city, and also part of my immediate family live in another country. So my family are very seldom with us. So I just cannot relate to these extended family visits.
William is from out of town, and had been living in the city for 12 years. He is city boy now. Were I was born a city boy. So I do take certain things for granted having grown up here. But I need to see things how William sees it, I do take things for granted.
Next entry relationships, money, sex, and life……