Monogamy

Monogamy is a tricky topic. Who wanted to slam the door shut on all sorts of interesting potential partners. Did I want to date and explore without the pretense of a monogamous relationship and avoid settling down. Yet all I wanted was to become someone’s person, who could witness my life and me there’s.

I recall listening to friends, colleagues, people in general, sharing there own experiences that me helped shape my own definition of a relationship and what that means to me.

I had a series of relationships throughout my 20s, not all of them were monogamous or as meaningful as I see it now. I was always monogamous, and the though of having a one night stand with someone else was more scary to me than the thrill of it all.

I have met people who participated in open relationships. In some cases it was strictly sexual, where the couple would invite other partners to join them in the bedroom. This seemed to be the most common scenario. With other couples, they would open their relationship right up, both sexually and emotionally.

I have nothing but respect for people who choose to conduct their personal life this way. It’s just not for me, I believe in investing in someone else life, getting to know them and becoming complacent. You have to really work on any king of relationship, at all times and the longer you are together the more effort you have to put in. I also don’t think I can detach emotionally when I am sexual, I would think hormonal and not with the heart or logically.

A very close friend of mine had been in a committed, open relationship for close to 15 years, he and his partner share a loving bond, but they were both open to the other pursuing sexual relationships outside of their own. I think my friend was more open to this than his partner at that time. The relationship got complicated, when they got involved with a third person. They all lived together for a number of years, but the relationship eventually ended, with all of them going separately back into the dating world.

Monogamy, to me, is an ongoing conversation you have with yourself and more importantly, with your partner. For me as it is today, I certainly intend to try. But I think that’s a lot of pressure is put on any relationship. Monogamy has to be a lifelong dialogue that takes place as you grow and evolve. William and myself have been together nearly 9 years, and it’s not always been easy. There were times we both wanted to pack our backs and leave. Our key problem was communication, or the lack of it.

One night after about being together 3 years, we went out for drinks that lead to more and that lead to a very awkward threesome. Due the effects of far too many shooters the memory of that night, is not so clear. However the next day we realized that this was not for us. It was awkward, not a very memorable or satisfying experience for both of us.

Today we have a very healthy relationship, emotionally, physically and enjoy just been with each other. We are both faithful, we also realized a while back that you cannot be in a partnership/relationship but act as if you are single. Plus after many years together you are more comfortable and trusting with each other and boredom can just be a word, not a reality.
I have learnt that my way is not the only way, don’t sweat the small stuff, make time for yourself independently of each other, trust one another, and when you are together, respect yourself first and the respect for your partner will be greater than before. I have also had to accept my own weird habits, and the same of Williams. I cannot be in a relationship with my own clone and he of his own.

Post a comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Ivan

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